Sunday, January 2, 2011

10 ways to use a pencil other than writing or drawing

  1. Chewing stick: Bored? Got your head in the clouds? But there's no gum about, and gum is important for daydreaming and other through processes. Well, it's time to stoop and use your pencil. You remember how to do that, right? From back in grade school? So gnaw away. Hopefully you have a clean pencil.
  2. Stabbing: I'm not advocating physical violence or anything, but if you ever get attacked by vampires (or by anybody, for that matter) and a pencil is all you have at hand, then stab away! Yep, a pencil can be used as a weapon. I've got a small chunk of pencil lead in my left hand from second grade as proof.
  3. Erasing: Yeah, this is an easy one. At least if your pencil has an eraser on one end. But if you don't feel like writing, and you've got that eraser, feel free to do some erasing. Just don't tear through the paper, at least not if you need that sheet of paper again.
  4. Throwing into the ceiling: You've probably played this game at work on a slow day. You find one of those drop ceilings that aren't too stiff, and you throw the pencil with the sharp end facing upward at the ceiling. You have to have a little skill to do this correctly and to get the pencil to stick into the ceiling, but with practice it can be fun. You could even get a few co-workers together and have a contest. Or even keep score.
  5. Spin the pencil: Remember playing spin the bottle in junior high school? This is just like that, except you are spinning a pencil instead of a bottle. Just make sure to pick good-looking friends to play this one with. And alcohol can help.
  6. Measuring: This is a fairly simple use of a pencil, and it's somewhat practical. Let's say you need to measure something, but you didn't bring a ruler or measuring tape with you. What's a handy substitute? Your pencil. Don't worry, because you can always measure the pencil itself later on and multiply that number by the number of pencil lengths used in your original measurement if you are in need of an actual unit of length like inches or centimeters or something.
  7. Kindling: Is it cold and you don't have any source of warmth? Well, in that case, hopefully you've got some matches or a lighter and a whole bunch of pencils. Because yes, pencils burn. At least the wooden ones do. I don't want to think about trying to keep warm by burning a bunch of plastic or metal pencils.
  8. Back scratcher: Don't you hate it when your back is itching ... right ... there ... in ... the ... middle ... where ... you ... can't ... reach ... it! Thank goodness for pencils, because they can give you that extra bit of length that can allow you to reach those tough spots.
  9. Modeling: Okay, you've got to be a real pencil lover to do this one. First off, you're going to need hundreds if not thousands of pencils. And probably some glue. Once you've got all those pencils and glue, you can get to work building a model. What kind of model? Your choice. But I'll suggest something rectangular, like a building, because of the length of pencils. Who knows? You could maybe do a model of a famous building, like the Empire State Building or the Tower of London.
  10. Stress relief: Sometimes there's nothing that can do away with your stress like breaking something. That's where pencils come in handy. They're cheap. They're easy to find. They're usually one around somewhere. And, most importantly, they're relatively easy to snap in half. So if you're having a bad day, get to breaking some pencils!
Other useless links for your amusement
10 reasons there ought to be a Constitutional Amendment banning flip flops
5 odd roadside buildings in America
5 weapons to have for a zombie apocalypse

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